Ros says she is doing very well, thankyou :)

... and that's what it's all about. It's about having the quality of life everyday. You have to be happy and you have to be enjoying what you are doing each day. It's also about being surrounded by and connected to people who care about YOU.
It's also about getting rid of all the rubbish and time wasting activities that encroach upon your day. So every day is then simplified and uncrowded. It's about stepping back and not getting caught up in "other people's dramas and adgendas" and taking one step at a time and savouring the moment. Eckhart Tolle talks about "living in the now" everyday. It's a purer sort of existence. Taking photographs of flowers can give you that "slow" appreciation of living things. Taking photographs of structures can give you that appreciation of the time taken to construct the object and the care in design by the creator/architect/builder. Everything has its own life. But it's an eternal lifeforce that takes one thing and turns it into another thing. So there is no beginning and no end. Garden waste is composted and feeds the seeds of plants to create new life. Cloud appreciation shows the everchanging canvass that is the sky. Every cloud is ever changing. Always a calming and equally exciting thing for me.

Long time no posting...

I don't know what it was that made me stop blogging. It must have been like writer's block. So wanted you to know that I am back on track. I will be blogging to my 4 x blogs daily. This is a really interesting life. No one knows what's around the corner for them. Why do we expect only good news OR only bad news. Why can't bad news turn into good news? Why doesn't good news satisfy us? Why do we need more and more of it?
I know that my art has really helped me make sense of some of the things in life. Sometimes you can't eloquently say what you're thinking, but you can get your emotions out through your art.
Bryce and I have been trying to understand why what has happened in our lives happens to us. Then we realised that every family goes through these ebbs and flows. No one can predict how life will be - rich, rewarding, full of health issues, downtimes, stressful times, easy times etc.
I understand now to "go a bit easier" and not to "expect too much" of myself or others. What will be will be. Don't fight it. Accept it. Move on. Make the best of every situation. Never stop being connected to what you believe in. And most of all - simply enjoy life and all its offerings.

Argh!!! This is all too much

...and so today I have taken a much needed MHD just to regain some peace and equillibrium back into my life. I'm doing too much and enjoying it all less. I'm really tired this last week. At least the sun is shining. Looks like a bit of Vitamin D will assist in today's recovery. I have the antenatal class to teach tonight. They have to do their appraisal of the course. Hope there is a few positive comments, and not all negative.

Bryce begins his holiday

Busy, busy, rush,rush! Getting ready to go. Nights 1 and 2 will be at Paul's holiday house at Hawk's Nest. The plan is GOLF! GOLF! and some more GOLF! Bryce has gone with three mates from his old work. This is to become an annual Golfing tradition. (This is it's 2nd year.) They decided to eat gourmet, this time. All the fellas cooked some component to the meal. Bryce reported that it was all delicious. A storm is brewing, so hopefully some golf will happen. On Sunday, Bryce heads north to South West Rocks, and stays a night there. We loved SWR and as a family we had 2 consecutive annual holidays there. On Monday Bryce heads to Ballina for 3 nights. He'll meet Kev there and spend some time with him there. Then on Thursday, he heads back for somewhere near Newcastle, where he'll meet Tony there for Golf there. And then home on Friday night. Happy and totally delighted from all that golf. Healing work.

An old photo of Ros, Mum and me

Here's Ros when she was in her early 20's. Ros got glasses when she was 12. We all wanted glasses. Lucky Ros. I remember having an old pair of mum's glasses without the lenses. That would do! This would be around the time when we all had permed hair. Ros' looks really nice in this pic. Quite soft. Which reminds me... I look forward to seeing a picture of Ros in her new hair. Long? short? Dark? Fair?











Do not adjust your glasses. It is really blurry. But it is a symbol of childhood days, Sandringham, a stay at home mother and 2 of her many children . Ros was always a pretty robust child. Outdoorsy. She had several regular friends as a kid. She invented "The Rose Club" which she would not let me be a member of! When I peeped through the Playhouse window, they were in there - making soap. Jars of slimy soap. I was envious. Wished I could have made jars of slimy soap too. Ah the Rose Club. Ros decorated a sign to hang on the door of the Playhouse. Ros played sport, and she did outdoorsy stuff! Ros learnt the piano from Molly Herbert. But she got "dismissed" because she was honest enough to say that she hadn't practiced. Ros was a perfectionist when it came to sewing. Mrs Gibbs at Sandy East didn't believe that Ros had hand sewn her "apron" hem, and so she made Ros unpick the whole thing because she insisted that Ros had used a sewing machine to stitch it. Something jumps up inside me - it's like the gross injustices of "The Shawshank Redemption". You feel like REVENGE!!
Ah! In those days old people seemed so old. They probably weren't though. They were probably our age. And WE"RE REALLY YOUNG!!!

Bryce looks forward to his week away

Bryce is going to have a weekend of golf, followed by a scattering of golf and relaxation over the following week as he travels up to and back from Ballina. Great to be able to just "be" and not "have to do". I'm looking forward to him being able to switch off for a while, and just take the time to enjoy life. It's almost a year since he stopped work and 10+ months since his cancer operation. Safe travelling :)

Ros reports a very tender scalp

Ros is having some very tender scalp moments. She has shaved off her hair as it was all falling out with the chemotherapy treatment. She has got herself a new head of hair which she wears but only for a short time. She says that her head is very very tender and the hair she puts on to wear from time to time gets very hot. So Ros will opt for wearing a sports cap sometimes. I think I would do the same, if I were having chemo. Comfort has to win over every time.
But I can't wait to see what it all looks like. So when Ros has finished her chemo, she will grow new hair which may be quite different to what she has known before. It may be curly, and may have a different, coarser texture. So that's something to wait and look forward to. I wonder how young Dougal is going. Bet he's growing! Looking forward to some updates of him too.

So, how does this all effect me?

Well... the cancer journey is for those who are diagnosed with their condition and for all those family and friends who stand by. So, yeah... it effects us all. I guess more than anything it reinforces the value of a day... so no day is wasted. Everyday is a conscious effort to be the best you can be, to be as positive and calm as you can be, and to derive satisfaction and happiness in as much as possible. No time should be wasted on useless negative stuff. I'm learning about meditation. I'm taking it slowly. I have difficulty keeping still and quiet. Too quiet and I fall asleep. I'm easily distracted. I'm reading a book about The Tao... daily readings. They are excellent. I'm listening to Eckhart Tolle CD. They are all saying the same thing. Be quiet. Be still. Let go and let God. And all that helps. I recognised that should capitalise on my artistic ability, so I'm drawing everyday. Of course I'm blogging. That helps. I'm trying to keep a broad range of interests. I try to give +++ in the workplace. I try not be "all work and no play." I'm aware of recognising the essense of everyone that I meet daily so that no one is overlooked. Sometimes that is hard. Especially if they are in a crabby or negative mood. It's a life and living journey.
I think it's changed me somewhat into being a calmer person. It's acceptance of what is and what is not. I have little aspiration for wealth or power. I value health and happiness. I appreciate good food - healthy food for its healing powers, and delicious food for its taste and presentation (especially if Bryce prepares it). I love tete a tetes for the connectiveness that the opportunity provides. And there's always great subject matter to draw wherever you go. The journey continues.........

Bryce and his morning routine.

Bryce has a particular routine that he likes to stick to, most days of the week. Occasionally I give him breakfast in bed. He loves having B-I-B but only trouble is that he end up staying in bed longer than he'd like. So if he can, he'll beat me to the post, and get up for breakfast. Some relaxation and some meditetion, some inspirational reading, and a healthy post breakfast smoothie. He often makes me my lunch to take to work (if I haven't beaten him to it). Then exercise... either cardio or weights work. Weekends are slightly different, as we like to go somewhere for a tete a tete. He also has his food shopping day. Lately he's been spending a lot of time pottering in his vege patch. Wow, it's been a great winter crop. This is a photo of B outside a cute little cafe in Windsor. What's in the bag? A deliciously moist chocolate brownie. Home made by someone. Organic 75% of the time. Indulgent 20% Other 5%

Gimme a head with Hair.

Ros' new chemo was known to have a side effect of "hair loss". For some, probably for most people, the hair loss is immediate. For others - it's more gradual. Ros is probably finding that she is in the latter catagory. She says she's getting sick of "all the mess" with hair loss happening bit by bit. How does she feel? She's comfortable in her own skin, and accepts that this is part of the treatment. However, Di is taking her to Chapel Street to look at "hair". I won't be seeing Ros til October, so I may not recognise her. She may be blonde, or a redhead. Here in this pic, Ros and Dave are relaxing at Mission Beach at the little cafe on the beach. Ah... that was a nice day.

BRYCE is settling into this life at home... 24/7

A life of Organic Gardening, wholesome cooking, reading, house keeping and an interest in "a little bit of everything"... this is Bryce's new life. Oh, and healing from surgery and "moving forward"... (as per our esteemed Prime Minister). Yep, this is Bryce's life as we know it. He is planning his little mini break. A golfing weekend in Hawk's Nest followed by several days travelling north to Ballina and back home again. I'm looking forward to hear how Bryce's new 5 iron and 6 iron go. Big Bertha irons "on special" at the Wentworth Golf Pro Shop in Orange ($5 each).

Ros deals with the new Chemotherapy

Ros started her new regime of Chemotherapy a few weeks ago. IV Campestar and oral Zeloda. The IV Chemo caused nasty nausea and vomiting, so much so that Ros needed to be admitted to hospital for a few days as she needed rehydration. The oral Chemo all went well. No side effects to note. However, Ros began to notice that her hair was thinning and falling out... not in great clumps but just a generalised loss per day. Ros thinks that she will get a wig... not so much for herself, but so that she doesn't have to deal with other people's reaction to her hair loss. Di will take her to look at hair next week. Stop press... Ros had a second course of Campestar (the IV chemo) ... it was a reduced dosage. And it all went well, with no side effects.

Sunny days, organics, and A2 milk

We are eating an abundance of organic greens from the garden now. So many delicious snap-fresh snow peas, some broad beans, kale, cabbage and silver beet. PLUS yesterday I tasted our carrots. They tasted good. Juicy. Flavoursome. Not too sweet. And there are plenty. Bryce is concerned he should be planting the summer crop. The winter crop was so slow in coming. Now it's here. And we have to eat it all. But now is the time to start planting tomatoes, and other summer salad items. I have been hearing a bit about A2 milk. A lot recently from Bryce. And then on a few you tube videos, information that there is a lot of coverup from the dairy corporation. A1 milk can cause a whole range of diseases including diabetes, autism, and intestinal conditions. Our milk used to be all A2, but then there was some changes in dairy farming and A1 arrived on the scene. Certain cows only produce A2 milk (the good milk). I also found myself that A2 milk doesn't go off as quickly as other milks. I've got a 2 litre container of fresh A2 milk (tastes great) and it's already a week over the expiry date. Interesting!! Anyway, it's great to be able to have fresh veges available anytime. I LIKE THAT. Don't know why we left it so long to do this. Bryce is re-reading a library book we also got out last year by a Dr Neil Barnard (... no, not Bryce's old work colleague) and it's all about the healthful eating. It's called "The Cancer Survivor's Guide".

Life is definitely well lived in the springtime

This wonderful bout of spring weather is energising. What a long cold winter it's been. I think having that little warm sojourn up Far North Queensland accentuated winter when we returned and it was almost like having 2 winters, punctuated by a week of spring. To welcome in the season was a new addition in Ros and Dave's life. His name is Dougal, and I am looking forward to meeting him when I'm next down South. He is a schmoodle (so many cuts hybrid breeds now) - designer dogs, they're called. There's not one breed that's unattractive, as far as I know. A little pup around R + D's place will liven things up a bit. Little puddles here and there. But to all accounts, he's sleeping at night, and in a little while, he'll be starting puppy preschool. I think he's a pretty lovable little pup already. Nothing like the unconditional love that only a canine can give you. Sweep certainly loves spring because there are longer periods when we're all outside together.

CAIRNS/ Mission Beach/ Winter escape

Ros and Dave left Melbourne for the warmth of Townsville on Sunday July 11. Bryce and I flew to Cairns on Tuesday July 13. Ros and Dave drove northwards on Tuesday while Bryce and I boarded a Greyhound Bus southwards from Cairns the same day. We coincided at Mission Beach mid afternoon on Tuesday for what was to be our winter escape, and our week at this gorgeous and peaceful coastal getaway. Ros and Dave met us at the bus stop and drove us around 7km to our lovely house with unobstructed views of Dunk Island, and the everchanging blue sea. What can I say but this was truely an idyllic holiday destination, and we had looked forward to this for many months. Ros and Dave had booked this holiday for the same time last year, but because of Ros' surgery and subsequent chemotherapy, it had to be postphoned for a year. This was to be a week comprising of busy days, quieter days, morning strolls along the beach, beautiful sunrises and serene sunsets. There would be rain too. Not just a pitter patter, but massive tropical downpours.
Bryce and I fell in love with Mission Beach and entertained the idea of actually moving there to live permanently (as you do when you're on holidays). So far, we haven't taken one more step towards it. It was just a holiday whim.

Goodbye Laura (Japan) Hello Gemma (Orange)

Saturday 9/11 or 11/9 (depending on where you come from) was the day Laura chose to fly to Osaka, Japan. Her plan is to spend 12 - 18 months there. She has been working towards this day for around 2 years (probably a little less). Bryce and I drove to the airport with her at around 4 am in order to catch the 6am flight. We were all calm and enjoying our last coffee together for awhile.
Laura left. (but we will speak to her in the evening - thank goodess for SKYPE). Bryce and I then drove to Orange. Our last trip to Orange was 18 months ago. We had not seen Gem's new abode yet. So this was a long overdue trip. We brought the perfect weather with us. Orange has had a long and particularly cold winter, so the warmth of the sun was welcome. A brief breakfast stopover at Leura at a lovely little deli/cafe. Hmmm! Hot chocolate. Then onto morning tea at Orange. Gem's house is really nice. Neat. Tidy 3 bedroom house which she has furnished really tastefully. Morning tea in the sunroom. Coffee and walnutty bun/cake, fresh from the food market.
Gem's back garden was bathed in sun, and the chance to get washing dried by the sun was a rare treat. Lunch out at a healthy cafe (delish pea "n" ham soup) for us. A tour around Orange. Then back to Gem's place. Late dinner at a new restaurant (Asian inspired) and then home (Gem's) to chat to Laura (skype) and then to sleep. Next morning, sunshine again. Breakfast at a local popular cafe with Gem and Ro. Then a trip to a local winery for some sampling of their grapes...(and a purchase). Then pies for lunch at the Orange Botanical Gardens. And then the long drive home (3 hours). A really packed full weekend... it was lovely and it felt like a few more days than it really was. Home to Grace :)

Ros feels well, again

Ros is taking an oral dose of chemotherapy every day. She takes a couple of anti nausea meds each day too. And she is feeling so much better than she did a week ago. She has projects waiting to do with her Enkidu work. No time to be sick! She's been taking things easy. Dave's been looking after her. They are soon to be new parents. Now that the fences are being replaced, they are able to think seriously about getting a dog (and if all that goes well, a cat too). They've researched the breeds. Still not sure yet. But they've seen some cute ones. Now to find a name... (hey, they're really cute pets! I want one;) )

BRYCE needs some time and space to reflect

It's been a very busy last 14 + months for Bryce. He first learnt that he had a elevated PSA in June last year. Then he learned that it was probably cancer. Then he learned that he had an underlying conduction disorder in his heart and that he would maybe one day rely on an external cardiac pacemaker. Then he learned more about prostate cancer by reading several books. Then he underwent the radical surgery. His words to me pre-op were "This may be the best that I'll ever be in life". He had a great post-op recovery (though full recovery takes time...). He toyed with the idea of an early "commencement" (not retirement). A time to have a quality life in a more relaxed manner. Reading. Gardening. Meditating. Housework. ... to begin with. But it seems now that he is entering Chapter 2 of his brave new world... "The next step forward". Bryce realised that he needed to be doing more with his life now. He needed an outlet. ?voluntary work, ?golf, ?a new found hobby/interest. We realised that even at home, you can get so caught up in "busy work" that you're still not finding that quintessential essence of life. So Bryce is going to have a holiday for a week or so. Travelling. Stopping awhile. Pausing. Reflecting. And looking forward. He's looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it. A journey. An adventure. And I'm looking forward to his return... with his stories, his reflections, and his enthusiasm for life.

ROS IS HOME AND RECOVERING

Ros feeling a good deal better so was discharged home from hospital last Sunday. A new chapter in Ros' recovery, as she is taking on a new chemotherapy regime. Perhaps a few new sensations, perhaps a few different feelings. But the aim is just to knock off the cancer and bring Ros' body back to good health. It's a balancing act. Getting the best result in health and having the fewest number of side effects. Ros' team is there ... working for eradication of ill health and restoration of health and harmony.

SPRINGTIME

Springtime means longer days and shorter nights. When you wake in the morning, it's light. When you knock off from work, it's still light. It energises you. You feel like sitting outside and soaking up some sunshine. Ah... that's when the wind doesn't blow, but stays at bay... resting. A new season. A turning page. Turning a corner. A fresh start. A new adventure....

New CHEMO/ Ros returns to hospital

Ros had her regular and ongoing tests, as well as her followup with Dr James (her oncologist). He felt that a new chemo regime was warranted, with different agents. This was only if Ros agreed to try this. She agreed, and the new chemotherapy happened on Wednesday... the first day of Spring 2010. The day after chemo is usually a quiet day for Ros. She normally has a headache, and lays low on that day. This Thursday, Ros was particularly nauseated, and vomiting also. She was in no mood to talk on Thursday afternoon. She felt "pretty sick". So much so that Dave took her to Ringwood Private hospital on Thursday night and she was admitted for rehydration. IV fluids and anti emetics helped to restore Ros' health to a far more tolerable level. She was feeling a good deal better throughout Friday and began to eat a small amount. Still in hospital on Saturday. Her IV was removed. She was HUNGRY and eating again. Still in hospital, awaiting Dr's review. On the phone, she sounded a lot chirpier. We will be seeing Ros again in 3 or so weeks' time.

BRYCE and his winter vegetable garden

Bryce had been reading and learning about organic gardening for 12 or so months. Actually, we have had a vege garden for several years, but now Bryce was trying to ensure that what we ate was organic. It's hard to go completely organic, - some things you just can't get organically grown. Grace got Bryce a subscription to ORGANIC GARDENING mag, which comes out bi monthly. Bryce read and read. Last Christmas, Bryce (and I ) got 3 organic gardening books - all different. So Bryce read a lot and took his time to get the preparation as right as he could. We now have 3 organic garden beds on the go and 2 herb garden beds happening. This year's winter crop took a long time to establish, so until August, we were mainly buying all our Organics from Warra, in Dural. (Warra is a Steiner school for special needs people and they have a large organic garden and a retail shop. We used to shop here years ago when the girls were young, but your habits change over the years). Bryce grew his vegetables and herbs from seed, so hence they took a lot longer to establish. Now, as I look out the windows, the gardens are a sea of green. Get up close and personal and there are current crops of snow peas, silver beet, spinach and kale. Other crops are still growing but not ready to harvest. Herbs are mainly corriander, 2 x parsley types, dill and ?something green. I must admit, winter has been so cold that I have rarely got out in the garden. But now spring is here I will. Got to say, it's nice to walk outside and find fresh greens at the ready to eat.

Escape the winter blues

Ros and Dave had planned a winter escape to Mission Beach, QLD before Ros found out she had cancer. Because Ros needed to have surgery fairly quickly, followed by chemotherapy, there was no way that they were able to get to their holiday escape in 2009. So they did their homework and found a way to give them something to look forward to. Light at the end of the tunnel. So they postphoned their holiday til the same time in 2010. The owners of the Mission Beach property were happy to swap dates, and so the Mission Beach Escape was booked for July 2010. As Dave had already booked his holidays from work, he was able to use that time on the home front... helping with Ros's recovery from surgery. Other things were happening simultaneously. Dave's boss also needed surgery for cancer, and so did Dave's Brother-in-law (in NZ). So cancer was flavour of the month. It was at this time that Bryce was diagnosed with prostate cancer - but he postphoned surgery til later in the year. (we found out that Geoff Cooper, a friend, also was diagnosed with prostate cancer at this time). A holiday in FNQ. That sounded wonderful. We asked to tag along on this adventure in 2010, as it would give us some tanginble thing to look forward to too. More about Mission Beach in a later installment.

Bryce digs his garden

Bryce was undecided about whether or not to return to work following his recovery. Bryce worked in Auburn at CFCU, and had left work on sick leave for his operation. But time to think about life choices as he was recovering from the operation. Bryce found so much that filled in his day while he was at home. Exercising, meditating, reading, and household chores - shopping, cooking and the like. Bryce is a great cook. Far more interested in recipes, presentation, and healthy meals than I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm interested - but I'm not "passionate" like Bryce is. Meals is a ritual you do at certain times of the day. When you're in the right frame of mind, of course it's stimulating, and rewarding. But sometimes it is just a chore! So, we both decided that for Bryce's next journey - he'd resign from work and stay at home. Making that decision was liberating for both of us. We knew where we stood. Bryce had his hobbies: mainly to do with gardening : growing organic vegetables and herbs, but also reading and creating delicious meals. In many ways - it was I who was the lucky one. I had myself a resident gourmet chef. I'd come home from work and I'd smell this gorgeous aroma coming through the house to greet me. We do eat well. And lunches are always tasty too. Usually I do the breakfast prep and give Bryce Brekky in bed. That's my food contribution:)

Ros' chemo is to change

Well it might seem like I'm jumping all over the place but don't worry. I will be going forward and backwards tring to get all the relevant information in. Anyway, needed to say that Ros changes to a new Chemo drug. This one has the side effect of hair loss. Ros says she's OK with this but thinks she may get a wig just to make everyone else feel OK. I remember when Delta Goodrem had her Hodgekins Lymphoma and was having treatment... she wore a lovely wig with such a great cut to it. Ros got her hair cut this weekend. Guess that's her last trip to Dana for a while. Anyway, I guess that's a notable mark on the calender "The Day Ros Becomes A Blonde"!

AN EMOTIONAL HEALING QUILT

It has just occurred to me... the healing powers of a quilt. I think Bryce needs a quilt as a tangible sign that people care about him. That he has worth and that we are glad that he is recovering. So we will make him that quilt to show him that we love and care for him. I think because a lot of 'old men' get prostate cancer, people dismiss it or somehow normalise it. But Bryce is a younger man and men his age generally do not get struck down with prostate cancer. Bryce is a person who has always had that driving force within him to be a healthy person. Because his dad died at the age of 56 from a heart attack - Bryce has always ensured that he would not smoke, would not eat the wrong diet that could lead to a heart attack, and that he would keep himself at a healthy weight range by (diet+) exercising well. (of course we love cake, pizza, pies, chips, chocolate) - they are an occasional part of our diet.) Bryce has weights and he walks/ runs to keep his cardio function in top gear. Never had Cancer come into the equation. I think he and we ask ourselves "WHY". But then you can also say, why not. Cancer strikes indescriminately. 1:8 women gets breast cancer. That's a massive high figure. Why? And other people get other things that drastically change their lives. So the process of making him that quilt will help to say "You are important to us".

Bryce Home from the hospital

Bryce came home from the hospital on the Friday. It had been a challenging previous 6 months and he was now embarking on his recovery phase. Dr Woo said that Bryce could make a recovery back to normal within 6-12 months for most people. One thing he assurred Bryce was that there was no Cancer found at "the margins" which means that the risk of spread of the cancer was nil. The cancer was incapsulated or 'contained' and the removal of the prostate gland meant that Bryce was safe. However, now there was going to be an adjustment to life without a prostate gland. The urethra was cut during the surgery and was reanastomosed so that meant a catheter for some time. It came out within a week or so. Bryce was "on his own" and was recovering pretty well, but we were prepared for the fact that there might be an "accident" or two. Fortunately there were none, really. But that's the retraining of the bladder and the pelvic floor muscles. It was great that Bryce knew a couple of other men his age who were going through the same thing. Good to be able to "compare war stories". Also encourage each other. I think over time nursing has pushed me to be more of an "out there" kind of person. I will talk about stuff. Maybe that comes with the female job description. You talk things over. Men are not that way. They don't talk. They keep things inside. I, for one, have difficulty embracing this concept and am always trying to encourage Bryce to TALK ABOUT HOW IT IS FOR YOU. And sometimes he does. But he is a quiet man and keeps a lot inside himself. So from here on in it is recovery phase.

CHEMOTHERAPY begins for ROS

We googled these meds to know how they were going to help Ros as well as the possible side effects. I may not spell them correctly, but the 2 chemo drugs were OXALIPLATEN and AVASTIN and they had to be administered slowly. Ros decided for her first lot of chemo that she would be admitted to hostital. At Ringwood Private, they have a beautiful ward upstairs. We had previously looked over this ward as "anticipatrory guidance"" for what was going to be the next step. It was quiet and peaceful. All single rooms and big rooms at that to allow families a bit of space. Carpet on floors and a very serene feel abvout the place. Not your normal bustling ward of a hospital. We were comforted by this fact. So Ros was an inpatient for her first dose of Chemo. She would have a pump attached to her PIC line. The PIC line was to be a permanent attachment, and it would need to be flushed between sessions to keep the line patent. Ros would need to have a blood test in between times to check her levels and see that everything was working well. She was on fortnightly chemo. Dr James would see Ros regularly. Dave was not far away up the road at home. Thank goodness for mobile phones. You are never far away from a friend.

1st DECEMBER 2009...

The day before was all the prep for surgery. Bryce said it wasn't too bad really. He went quietly about his day. Relaxing. Reading. And a trip to the ensuite :)
In the meantime, we went to see The Australian Ballet's production: A triple bill. I always like these. Normally there are 3 different ballet styles. My favourites are usually the modern ones. There are so many flexible athletic dancers. The lighting is often as much a star as the ballet and the music. The set designs are often amazing. I wonder how they come up with the ideas. And sometimes, Dunc is playing. Dunc was playing tonight: a duet or at least 2 pianos at work. His playing is always good - we are so proud of him. The 1st December comes and Bryce has to be at the hospital by about 1 pm. Bryce made a comment which stayed with me. He said "This may be the best that I will ever feel". We were rushed into saying goodbye - no time left. Bryce was wheeled off to the anaesthetic bay. I spent hours and hours waiting. Often when I have a huge chunk of time to fill in, I'm excited. Time is a wonderful gift, and I never have enough time to achieve what I want to do within the time frame. Today was different. Bryce was having a major op to remove his prostate gland. The anticipated surgery length was supposed to be about 4 hours, plus 1 hour in recovery room = 5 hours. Bryce was going to intensive care post surgery because they wanted to monitor his heart closely. It was 10 to 9 pm when I entered Coronary Care. I was supposed to hear from Dr Woo when the surgery was over, but I never received a call. So I didn't know how Bryce was or whether there were any complications. However, he seemed really comfortable and looked well. There was lots of tubes going here and there plus the cardiac monitor, O2 etc. We chatted for a while and then after an hour, I said goodbye and headed home. This day was over. Now recovery time...

A PATCHWORK HEALING QUILT

Di is a mad keen patchworker and she has produced some lovely hand made patchwork articles. We decided it would be a great idea if we all played a part in a patchwork quilt. Di quizzed Ros on her favourite colours, and within a few days she produced a parcel of a variety of gorgeous fabrics. Apricots, Mauves and Blues. We all had to learn how to patchwork, so were given materials and patterns to work on. I'm working on mine in Sydney whilt Ros and Di are working on theirs at quilting days in Croydon. I never knew patchwork could take so long to do one square. I am slow in comprehending how to read a pattern. So I went extra slow so as not to make a mistake. "I'll just whip up these 9 squares today", I thought. But the reality was that it took me about 3 whole days to do. And you had to be in a patchwork mindset. Well, over the months the Quilt has grown. Ros and Di have put it together but it is not quite finished yet.Just a few finishing touches. Now we are starting on a Birthday quilt for Mum. She got the material for her birthday from Di. Pretty pinks and lilacs. Photos will be posted when quilts are finished :)

BRYCE and his next journey

Bryce needed to have his heart tested so it was organised for him to wear a Halter monitor for 24 hours. This would monitor his heart's activity over that entire period. Then about a week later he would hear the results of this. Bryce was supposed to go about his usual activity. He wore it to work (he was still working full time at this stage). He had received the results of the biopsy and that was that there was indeed cancer present in the prostate gland. The good news was that there was nothing too sinister about the Heart. Occasionally his heart rate would drop to 32 BPM... this was while he was sleeping. The cardiologist told him that one day he might need a pacemaker but for now, his heart was doing OK. He had to report any signs of light headedness or giddy sensations immediately. Dr Woo basically told Bryce that the best option for him at his age would be to have a radical prostatectomy. He went into detail as clearly as he could so that we understood everything. Bryce was reading lots on the subject now, including some very positive books on diet and health.
So we made the move towards more organic produce. We rediscovered WARRA in Dural - a Steiner school for the disadvantaged where we could buy most of our green groceries. Supermarkets seemed to stock more and more organic produce. We got some new cookbooks to inspire us. And embarked on a pretty healthy diet. We love Greens Organic Chocolate, as a treat.

Ros... HOSPITALS and HEALING

Ros was hospitalised at Ringwood Private, and the decision to go there seemed like a good one. It was close to home (Croydon) and easy to get to. The planned aftercare would involve blood tests, scans and fortnightly chemotherapy - all at the hospital. So it was great that it was so close to home. The environment at the hospital was very supportive. The staff there seemed to be pretty caring from the medical team to the domestic staff. The flowers and cards that arrived daily for Ros and the frequent visitors meant that Ros was surrounded with care and love. Ros made a good recovery day by day. Discharge around day 10 followed by a few weeks of recovery at home before Chemo began. With all the new information about treatment, we blessed google for answering our many questions. Ros trusted all her medical team : Dr Greene, Mr Izale and Dr James. She and we knew that she was in the best hands. The love of Dave and Merlot at Unit 10 would help to keep her spirits ever high. Mum would visit most days and help out where she could, and the rest of us were doing our bit to be there for Ros and Dave too. The next leg of the journey was about to begin.

THE BIOPSY and THE AFTERMATH

"Just a simple routine proceedure. Should only take about 30 minutes". We go to Dr Woo's Westmead rooms. There is a bit of a wait. But we reassure ourselves "that's because he takes the time with everyone. No rush". Finally it's Bryce's turn. I don't go in with him. I respect his privacy. Bryce is in there for some time, so I continue with my reading. A little later, Bryce slowly walks down the hall to sit in the waiting room with me. Donna, the nurse helping Dr Woo is doing everything. Helping him/ talking to the clients/patients/ processing the payments. She has a full job. She calls Bryce. No response. I nudge Bryce or at least look at him. He is unconscious at first sitting slumped and then he collapses on the floor in the waiting room. Oh, says Donna. He's fainted. Some men do that after this proceedure. She summons Dr Woo. He comes. "probably a vaso vagal reaction to the anaesthetic. But Bryce takes a long time to come round. When he does, he's pale and weak. His pulse is weak too. I ask Donna is there somewhere Bryce can lie down to recover, and together we help Bryce back to the biopsy room and onto the skinny couch where Bryce had just had his biopsy. They leave us. They now know I'm a nurse and feel it is safe to leave me caring for Bryce. Donna pops in every now and then. So does Dr Woo. It is 30-40 mins later. The entire time I am taking Bryce's pulse. 32 beats a minute. I ask can we do an ECG. "Yes - good idea" "While we're at it can we do Cardiac Enzymes" I ask. Donna replies that these days they can do a Trytophan(?) level which is better. The ECG declares that Bryce is in Heart Block. A decision is made to send him to Westmead Hospital by ambulance. To cut to the chase, Bryce is triaged, spends time in A+E and is then transferred to Coronary Care where he is continuously monitored. His heart has reverted to Normal Sinus Rhythm now, but they want to watch him closely. The girls are all summoned at B's bedside having come from McQuarie Uni, Woollies Cherrybrook, and Orange Base Hospital. Then we all go home leaving B in CCU at Westmead. He is discharged home the following afternoon with plans for followup, e takes the rest of the week off work.

Where do I fit in to all this?

I'm just the wife, just the sister. I'm here to help. It's fortunate that I am a nurse because I am able to navigate the health industry. I'm also calm. I'm not de-sensitised. But I'm pretty calm. Of course I am as normal as anyone else and I cry tears. Tears for Bryce. Tears for Ros. And tears just for me. I know my role. It comes naturally, which is probably why I am a nurse. I want to be involved. I can't watch from the sidelines. I can't do any of the healing. But I can be there. To talk to. To help in whatever way - practical or emotional. I'm lucky that my daughters are all grown up. Laura 26, Gem 22 and Grace 19 at the time. But the news about both Bryce and Ros hit them all pretty hard.
I go down to Melbourne to help Ros after her surgery. She's in hospital for about 10+ days. The first few days are in the High Dependency ward at Ringwood Private hospital. Then into "the best room in the ward" Room 1. Ros made a great recovery and returned home to Croydon to rest and to heal before the chemo started. Not long after I got back to Sydney, Bryce is booked in to see his specialist for his prostate biopsy. Now that's an interesting story.

Ros' Story

Correct me if I'm wrong but here's the story that I know. Ros had been feeling 'a bit off' since the beginning of the year. She'd seen her Doctor on and off but nothing significant could pinpoint why she didn't feel so well. Then late May '09 she went to see her Dr but he was away on holidays. She saw a different Dr (same surgery) who took her complaints fairly seriously and decided to do some tests. Ros' health has been pretty good through her life. A few ops including an appendicectomy when she was late 20's and a cholecystectomy not long after she got married to Dave. From being a fairly sporty person, life became a little more restricted after her knee started to give her grief in recent years (probably a new knee is on the cards in the future). So our new Doctor organised an ultrasound. Following the results of this she had a CAT scan which revealed a very "speckled" liver. This looked suspicious and so a colonoscopy was organised. The results of this revealed Cancer of the Colon, with suspicion of secondaries in the liver. Ros is such a calm person. It's just step by step through the process. So referrals were made. First to Mr Izale (hope my spelling's correct) - he was the surgeon. Second referral was to the oncologist, Dr James (I think that's his name) and on with the process of healing Ros.

Bryce's story

Bryce was only 56 when he went to our local Doctor for a lingering respiratory tract infection. The doctor did a basic blood test, just a full blood count, to see that everything was normal. Then he scheduled a followup visit to discuss the results of the test the following week. "Everything's normal and within normal limits except your PSA". So Bryce came home and reported the news. He was being referred to a urologist who would do further investigations. The appointment was for a few weeks time. we waited, and soon that time came about. We both went to meet the urologist, a local man in our area. We met. He investigated. He calmly (but a very detached manner) stated you have Prostate Cancer. He told Bryce his options. We left the surgery and went to chat over a coffee. We both agreed we didn't bond with this man and if he was going to be the man responsible for healing Bryce, then we didn't want him. We'd look elsewhere. We went about enquiring about "who's good" and heard the name Henry Woo several times. So we organised a referral to him and within a few weeks we were sitting in his waiting room. Everything felt more positive once we met Henry. He gave us great hope. He had a lovely bedside manner. So the next step was a biopsy. That was booked for a few weeks' time.

What this is all about

I guess I need to introduce the concept of this blog "A Life Worth Living" which I have been thinking about for a while and which formalised itself whilst I was on a long bus ride home from Melbourne (to Sydney) last Sunday. The older I get and the less years I have left in my life - the more I value this wonderful life. About the same time last year, sister Ros was diagnosed with Cancer which was spread from the original site (bowel) to secondary site (liver), husband Bryce was diagnosed with prostate cancer. These two people are around the very same age. The journey ahead was going to be challenging, to say the least. They are two of my favourite people.